PARENTING

A Storyabout Dependence

11/07/2014 08:30:00 AM

Sophie is turning 2 months in 10 days. Diaper changing and breastmilk-drench clothes has become part of our daily lives. She has grown a lot in span of 2 months. Heavier. Chubbier cheeks. She also started to establish routines of sleep, play and feeding.
While I am catching up with my online work last night, she was half-asleep by my side. I have already fed her, changed diaper and ensured that she wears comfy clothes. I smiled as I watch her sleep. Though I noticed that she looks uneasy. She seems to be “tossing herself to sleep”. It was already pass midnight. I turned of my laptop and lied next to her. Instantly, signs of restlessness stopped.
It was a moment I realized that this little girl’s life revolves around me. She is totally dependent to me. When I lied next to her, she recognized my presence. She recognized my warmth. A warmth she equates to security and peace. A warmth she understands as care. She knows that as long as that warmth is beside her she will not grow hungry. She will not have to endure the ecky feeling of wet diapers. She doesn’t have to worry about the cold.
Sometimes, I feel guilty of not giving her that much attention while I am working. I may have held her hand while doing my researches. She may be sleeping on my lap while I am processing images. But I am not really there because my attention is not fully unto her.
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I am becoming dependent to my little one, too. That’s a secret. Lesser crying moments and smiles are becoming a security and pride that I am doing a good job.
That’s cute to read but I know I could use some counseling, a good advice to change that mindset of mine. I know that pride and security thing can hurt my parenting. Tendencies of racing a spoiled brat? Uh-oh!
Shall we just ignore those signs of approval from our little ones? Of course not. Those precious moments are treasure. A true delight for a parent.
We just have to re-establish where our pride and security should come from.
LORD GOD.
He alone.
I am reminded of what our pastor adviced me before going to college: Psalm 34:4-5
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him.
An advice that never goes old and still applicable even if our season of life has changed. If you read the chapter a bit further, you will learn that delighting in God, dependency on Him comes with a promise that He himself will do for you.
My prayer is for God to reteach me to refocus my heart and mind unto Him. To my faith be like a child again, to have that total dependency unto Him. I know as I delight in Him, as I trust Him; He will transform me to a mom who’s best for Sophie. Amen.

PARENTING

The Birth my First Born

11/04/2014 06:41:00 PM

Subtitle: Sophie's Birth: God is in Control

The day began with a grateful heart. God has spared our town from a threatening storm. The sun peeping through the clouds is a relief to the farmers who will be harvesting rice in a few days. The sunshine also gave me relief that I am not giving birth during a storm. One item from the fear list overcame.
Lunch came. Fluid trickled down my legs. Could this be a sign that Sophie is coming? I did not panic 'cause I thought it was just a normal uncontrolled pee. Nanay insisted that we go see my OB. Since the hospital is an hour drive from home we decided to load my hospital bag, Sophie's clothes and other stuff we might be needing in case it's time to give birth.  It was already pass 5PM when my OB saw me. She thought that it was only urine but upon further checking she noticed that it was a leak. After an IE, she said that it's not yet time. She advised me to have a sonogram to measure my amniotic fluid. Readings are all normal. I have been leaking for 3 days but I am not really aware. I'm glad I keep myself hydrated. Otherwise, Sophie may have "dried up."
I was advised to have complete bed rest. At the hospital for a night. This is with a hope that the leak may stop. I was given antibiotics to prevent injection. A protection for me and baby.
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A day have passed and I am still leaking. My OB came and I have hints that I might not have a normal delivery. Fear started to build up inside me. I don't want to have a C-section. Another reason why I don't want to undergo this operation is my financial condition. I don't want to burden my parents for it.
I had an X-ray on my pelvic area to see if there is any progress. I don't feel any pain except for Sophie's weight pressing on my bladder. The reading came after lunch the next day. My anatomical build up can not support normal delivery. My pelvis is too narrow for Sophie to pass through. My OB have explained consequences and possible options. We may be running out of time.
Decisions. Decisions. Nanay said that if normal delivery possible then we should push for C-section. Sophie is our priority. She should come out for our safety. I just said OK then excused myself.
I secretly cried.
I cried because I felt like I'm a lesser woman.
This is not the kind of birth I have in mind. I don't want it but I have no choice. Pipi is still at work and because of another storm it's impossible for him to come home.
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5PM came. Nurses came to prep me up for the operation. I texted my Victory Group and friends to pray for me. In a matter of minutes, I found myself inside the operation room. The room was a bit crowded but I felt alone. No one is there to hold my hand. I comforted myself by humming worships songs inside my head. These lines were on the loop.
"You are great God, you are an awesome wonderful God. Mighty in battle. Better than life."
30 minutes after I first heard Sophie's cry. I kissed her before her pedia and a nurse took her to the NICU. She was observed for 24 hours, hooked with IV and given antibiotics.
My birth is not purely drama. In fact there was more things to be grateful about.
September 17 2014. I officially became a mommy. I thank God for sustaining me through my 37 weeks and 5 days of pregnancy. Baby Sophie came out healthy.
20140918_072041_20140918144155651I am alive! I have survived the C-section though my platelet count is low. My blood pressure normalized after having a slight eclampsia. No excessive bleeding. No blood transfusion needed. I did not experience labor pain.
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Nanay was able to keep calm during my operation.
Sophie's birth is a reminder that God is the one who is in control of our lives. Yes, we can make plans but God will still have the final words. All glory belongs to God.

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